I don’t know who I am. I read recently there’s a condition where you disbelieve your own existence… I don’t have that. I just don’t feel as though I know myself - I know what I would like to be, but that’s a fantasy. Back in the day, I had a MySpace account. In fact, it still exists. Ahem….
DeeKarla on MySpace:
Right, I thought it was about time I put something on here… I don’t have my own trumpet to blow, so bear with me. I’m Dee Karla, and I’m not normal. This is a thing to celebrate, trust me. My blogs, however, are not a true representation of me - they’re my Bridget Jones moments. Forgive me for them; it all comes from having a social circle constituted of mainly men. I need to vent occasionally, so that’s where they come from…. do not assume that you know me because you’ve read my drivel.
I’m sarcastic, I’m fun… and above all, I’m honest. If you can’t take honesty, don’t bother. Moreover, if you’re not honest I will find out… and I will ignore you.
Anyhow, I’m just about to embark on an exciting career as a teacher. I’ll be working with children who have Special Educational Needs… they are fantastic, and I love all children. I won’t be having my own anytime soon, which is fine by me.
So, I have a big heart and I’m a stickler for honesty… surely there’s more to me? Indeed, there’s plenty… ahem:
*I’m beautiful*
*I’m sexy*
*I’m flirtatious*
*I’ve had a poor taste in men… it’s improving*
*I’m your idea of heaven*
*I’m your idea of hell*
*I’m unique.. just like everybody else*
*I have an addictive personality*
*I’m shy to begin with…. but I’m worth the effort*
*I’m looking for friendship, but I’m picky*
*I’m stylish, but not a slave to fashion*
*I’m very sensitive at times*
*I dream dreams that are above and beyond the realms of reality*
*I don’t hate anyone… I can’t do it*
*I will do anything for true friends*
*I love reading auto/biographies.. life fascinates me*
*I’ve steadily begun to develop my confidence*
*I’m open to new ideas and others’ opinions*
*I hate confrontations, but I’m definitely not a pushover*
*When I’m good, I’m very very good*
*When I’m bad…. hmmm, I don’t know yet*
*I’m adorable*
*I’m worth far more than I’ll ever allow myself to believe*
*I despair of the tyranny of evil men*
*I’m good to the core… not a saint, but I’m only human*
*I love music, it’s the best therapy known to mankind*
*I’d like to re-do some parts of my life, but there’s no point in harbouring regrets*
That was typed five years ago. I’m in no mood to elaborate, I’d better sign off….
I opened this account a year ago, re-posted random nonsense and promptly forgot all about it. I’ve posted blogs before - much to my detriment - so I’m not going to proactively share this in the first instance. Much love to the dearest of friends who invented the “boo-hoo” label for my past ramblings. I love him, he can get away with pretty much anything. I came back here by accident… I’d even forgotten I had an account until I had a new one rejected. Oops. So I don’t know what this is going to be about, I’m unlikely to be sharing it (though, of course, everyone longs for an audience) and if you don’t like it…. er, tough. You see that red box in the top-right of your screen? That magic white x will solve your problem.
Still here? Ok. I’m going to post whatever pops into my head with whatever frequency or infrequency so takes me. My job is pretty exhausting / all-consuming / more work than it’s worth, so I can’t promise to be regular. If you’re looking for regularity, watch commercially funded television for more than 5 minutes. There’s bound to be a group of women discussing bowel movements. I’d bet my hat on it. I don’t know where my hat is… that’s how certain I am that I will win that bet.
“My life is a cage but on stage I’m free”. This is my stage and I am going to embrace the freedom. The title of this entry is my own little catchphrase. I have delicately borrowed it from Dr Dre (“Can I get a Hell yeah?”) but I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. I’ve spent over a decade thinking “f*ck, I’m strange” and longing to fit in. Earlier this month, that changed. You have never met, and will never meet, anyone like me. It’s a unique privilege. I never used to think that. Direct your feet to the sunny side of the street.
Oh, I should admit now that I shamelessly incorporate lyrics into my everyday speech - and hence, this blog will be the same. Usually they’re obscure. Much as I claim that my memory isn’t what it used to be, give me a song and I’ll be word-perfect very shortly. I’d rather be really skilled at something useful, but f*ck it. I am what I am. Oh dear, now I’m quoting Popeye… or is it Descartes? (oooh, Red Dwarf quote too… a double whammy of the geekiness). Ahem. At least this isn’t a boo-hoo blog. Laterz.
